


what we've got here

by ClassyFangirl



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, poor communication skills
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-27
Updated: 2013-09-27
Packaged: 2017-12-27 18:11:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/982041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClassyFangirl/pseuds/ClassyFangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the Drift, Newt thinks Hermann hates him. He doesn't know how wrong he is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	what we've got here

**Author's Note:**

> Another prompt fill! Yes, the title is snagged from Cool Hand Luke. I know, I know.

_Uncle Gunter teaching him how to take apart an amplifier, teaching him how to reel in a fish-_

_Father yelling at him, hiding alone in his bedroom with_ Principia Mathematica _because numbers make sense when nothing else does-_

_Watching Hermann in the lab, watching him smile when he figured out a tricky equation-_

_Watching Newt in the lab (_ no no no, _a vile, sick feeling chants; it roils in his? their? stomach, this sudden foul feeling like bile rising in the back of his throat), watching him roll his sleeves up-_

There’s no time to dwell on this when they have a world to save, but when the Breach is closed, after the short hug Newt is allowed, after he gets drunk on half a bottle of champagne, Newt staggers back to his room, collapses onto his bed, and thinks, _Shit. Hermann hates me._

He doesn’t cry, because _rock stars_ don’t cry, but if he does, it’s the alcohol’s fault.

 

ooo

 

He can’t define how he knows Hermann hates him. It’s all feelings, impressions from the Drift- every one of Hermann’s memories of Newt is overlaid with unpleasant feelings. Sickness, anger, emotions that had no words but managed to convey _get away_. And it _hurts,_ all right- Newt had kinda thought he and Hermann were at least _sort of_ friends, not just angry colleagues, especially in that instant Hermann offered to Drift with him, when Newt thought hey, maybe they were really friends after all, maybe Hermann actually liked him.

And...

He won’t call it a _crush,_ because he is not fourteen, but, okay, that’s kind of what it is. He has a lot of affection for Hermann. The kind where not only does he want to do all sorts of awesome sex stuff, but he also wants to _hold hands_ and _cook for him_ and all these awful, sappy things that are, on occasion, better fantasies than the awesome sex stuff.

(Always, they’re always better, and that’s why Newt figured he could live with Hermann not knowing about his crush, or in case Hermann turned out to be straight or asexual or something, then he could still drag him along to dumb movies or adopt a cat, they could have all that and Newt could just keep his sex fantasies to himself-)

But Hermann apparently _hates_ him. Not with that scowling, annoyed hatred that existed between the both of them the day they first met, the kind that evaporated (for Newt, at least) after a few weeks. It is, it seems, a deep, fervent hatred, one that wants Newt to stay the hell away from him or else.

And it breaks Newt’s _fucking_ heart, it honestly does.

 

ooo

 

He’s run the odds countless times, and Hermann can come to only one conclusion: he is in love with Newton Geiszler.

This is terribly inconvenient for a few reasons. For one, Hermann had sworn off relationships, at least until they stopped the kaiju. For another, now that the apocalypse has actually been averted, Newt won’t even look at him.

Hermann is desperately afraid it was something he saw in the Drift. He’s not sure what- Newt has never been the judgmental sort, which is one of the things Hermann likes about him. All he knows for sure is that after they Drifted, Newt stopped talking to him, and won’t look him in the eye.

It hurts largely because he doesn’t know _why_. He doesn’t like things he can’t understand, doesn’t like things without concrete evidence and facts, and here, he is at a total loss. And there is, of course, the emotional part- he wants Newt to talk to him, to touch him, to laugh at his own jokes and make Hermann smile.

He wants several more primal things too, things that make Hermann flush, and he has to recite the quadratic formula to shoo the thoughts away unless he is in a position to indulge himself.

He was _terrified_ of Newton finding out about his feelings through the Drift- he wants to tell him properly, in person, the way normal people do. He did his best to block off his fond thoughts of Newt- how he wants to memorize the lines of his tattoos with his fingers, how he wants to kiss him and pull him by that awful, skinny disgrace of a tie, how he wants to work with him for the rest of his life, in any lab in the world, doing anything, anything at all.

In the Drift, he tried to hide it all, and he’s terrified that it didn’t work. Hermann fears that Newt saw those thoughts and was disgusted by them. He’s having a difficult time imagining what else the reason for this sudden change could be- before, Newt would chatter at him all the time, getting deep into his personal space until Hermann could only shout and verbally shove him away, occasionally physical pushing him with his cane.

Overall- Hermann has no idea what he’s done wrong, and he hates all of it.

 

ooo

 

Newt’s packing up his desk, getting ready for the move, when Hermann walks into the lab and asks, “What are you doing?”

“Packing,” Newt says, not looking at him. “What’s it look like?”

“What on earth for?”

“Because I’m moving? That’s why people usually pack, y’know, they’re going places for long enough that they’re gonna want all their stuff to come with them.”

“Why are you _moving_?”

Newt, still not turning around, raises his hands helplessly. “Because we’re out of a job, man! Unless Marshall Hansen thinks of a real good reason to keep the lab rats in business, we’re done. I don’t really care, got plenty of job offers-”

“But- but where are you _going_?”

Newt clenches his fists and squeezes his eyes shut. Now? _Now_ the son of a bitch cares about him, cares about where he’s going? He whirls around, digging his fingers hard into the palms of his hands. “Stanford, if you must fucking know! They asked me to give a lecture, and there’s a job opening that I’m thinking about taking! But here’s what I wanna know-” He steps forward, crossing the distance between them, so he can shove a finger against Hermann’s chest. “Why the _hell_ do you give a shit?”

“Because-” Hermann looks _hurt,_ and god, Newt has no idea why- what right does _he_ have to be upset? Hermann visibly swallows and straightens, his resolve solidifying. “Because we have been colleagues for ten years, Newton, and I rather thought we had some sort of friendship, and while the feeling is not one I am innately familiar with, I assumed my _friend_ would tell me before he left the country!”

Newt stares at him, incredulous. “Friends? _Friends?_ You hate me! Since when are we _friends?_ ”

“Newton, I thought you knew me better than this, we might argue, but I still consider you-”

“Not that! I saw it- _felt_ it in the Drift! You _hate_ me,” and shit, his voice cracks there. Don’t cry, don’t fucking cry, rock stars don’t cry. “You hate me, and I don’t- I don’t know _why_ , man.”

Hermann stares at him with those sad, sad eyes. “I don’t hate you,” he says quietly. “I’ve never hated you. Why- why would I ever...” He trails off- he reaches out a hand, moving to touch Newt, but he drops his arm, and Newt wishes he didn’t.

Newt shrugs and rubs his eyes, pretending he’s adjusting his glasses and not wiping away the start of tears. “I dunno, man, I just- every single memory of me was just...they gave me this awful feeling, like you were trying to push me away. And it, it hurt ‘cause...I don’t want that. I don’t wanna get pushed away from you.”

Hermann frowns deeply at him. God, _fuck_ that awful froggy mouth that he wants to kiss so badly. “I don’t wish to push you away, Newton. Quite- quite the opposite, in fact. I was so frightened of you finding out, but...” He gently presses his hand to Newt’s cheek. “I...very much don’t want you to leave. Me. Please do not leave me.”

“Hermann, are you saying you-”

Hermann shuts him up by leaning down and kissing him. It’s quick, and it surprises Newt so much that he doesn’t have any time to return it, but he balls his fists in Hermann’s stupid, ugly sweater. “My apologies,” Hermann says. His cheeks are pink and he’s so cute Newt could die, right here, right now. “I just- I truly don’t want you to leave, and I wasn’t sure how else to convey how emphatically-”

“Oh, shut the fuck up.” Newt stands on tiptoe and kisses him again, harder, and Hermann’s lips part just enough that Newt can slip his tongue in his mouth. The kiss lasts much longer this time, until they both finally have to pull back for air, and they stare at each other, gasping.

“Tell me long you’ve wanted to do that,” Newt says. “I’ve gotta know how long we could’ve been doing this if we just fucking talked to each other.”

“Seven years,” Hermann admits.

“Eight. _Jesus,_ we need to get better at communicating.”

Hermann laughs, and Newt grins because _god_ he loves the sound of Hermann’s laugh. “I suppose- I suppose we must.” He sobers a bit. “Newton- Newt. _Please_ don’t leave.”

“Well, I kinda have to- just for the lecture!” he adds when Hermann’s face falls. “Made a commitment to that, can’t back out. But...I think I could be convinced to come back to Hong Kong for a while. And maybe...” He smiles hopefully up at Hermann. “Maybe we can compare universities and tenure fast-tracks and see what matches?”

Hermann smiles at him, and it’s such warm, tender smile, it makes Newt feel _incredible_. “I’d like that. I’d like that quite a bit.”


End file.
